


Can You Feel My Heart?

by dirksnipples



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: 3 am food trips, Bad End/Good End, Bill being a cute loving boyfriend, Bill caring about Dipper and comforting him, Bill having a panic attack, Cancer, Comforting, Cute, Death, Depression, Dipper Shouldn't Hold Guns, Fluff, Forgive me audience, Human Bill Cipher, Hurt/Comfort, Letters, M/M, McDonald's, Never Give A Pine Tree A Gun, Never seen Bill have a panic attack before so I thought why not, Panic Attacks, Poems, Sad, Starvation, Suicide Attempt, Sweet Bill Cipher, Two Endings, Valentine's Day, Video Recordings, Will add as I write, bill being the best demon boyfriend alive, chubby!Dipper, first 'i love you's, pudgy!Dipper, reality hits you in the head, rethinking everything, sad dipper, sad tears then happy, self hatred, throwing up, what are these tags?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-04-13 18:50:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4533237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirksnipples/pseuds/dirksnipples
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I write short things for warm ups before I write chapters for stories I'm writing, so  I thought I may as well post them. I will tag the more I decide to post.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Can You Fix The Broken?

**Author's Note:**

> Not every chapter is sad I promise. I just decided to start with this one. There will be happy ones the more I add, I promise. If I need more tag warning feel free to tell me, I miss a tag sometimes. Title of story is based off of "Can You Feel My Heart" By Bring Me The Horizon. The chapter title for this one is lyrics from the song. Not every story will have anything from the song, but some will depending on what I decide to post.

Heavy breathing.

In. Out. In. Out.

He needed to stop breathing so rapidly, but he couldn’t get it to stop.

Dipper Pines was hunched over breathing rapidly, and nearly about to pass out. He was so close to death, and he couldn’t wrap his head around what had just happened.

An unknown hand fisted into his hair, forcing his head back. It was then that Dipper felt tears rolling down his cheeks. He shook as his wet brown eyes stared into glowing gold ones. 

_“Yo.. ..eed to cal… down.”_

Dipper couldn’t make out who it was that owned that voice, nor could he really make out what was being said. It was all a blank to him right now in his haze. One moment he was gulping pills into his body, and next thing he knew was that he was forced near the toilet, and was gagging them out.

_“..ine tre…”_

Dipper could feel himself slipping away, eyes starting to close. He felt light and empty. For once he felt good. He went downhill after his sister was murdered. He remembered what she looked like, all pale mixed with purples and blues. His parents told him that he would be okay. They told him that he would make it. But look at where he was now. It hit him harder than anyone else, and he went through stages of starving himself, to keeping himself up at night from nightmares of his sister, and now he was at the stage of suicide. He was told it wasn’t the answer, but right now it felt like one.

It felt like the answer to everything, and when he grabbed that pill bottle, he found his answer in small white tablets meant for pain. They would help his pain. He didn’t hesitate to shove them into his mouth and swallow them with tap water. But when he was expecting death, he got a burning throat and a sick stomach.

Dipper’s eyes shot open as he was slapped across the face very hard by a tan hand. Everything seemed to fade to normal, and he once again realized how loud every small noise was.

“Snap out of it, kid!”

Dipper focused on the voice, and recognized it to be the voice of Bill Cipher.

“B-Bill…?” He called in a raspy hoarse voice, swallowing against the burning sensation in his throat.

Dipper didn’t think to be embarrassed about how he looked or sounded. Not even at the fact that Bill has just seen him at his weakest. He knew for a fact he looked as bad as he felt. His skin had paled, his eyes looked quite sunken in with dark black rings covering them, he looked thinner, and his hair was an oily mess. He knew he looked a mess, but couldn’t find it in him to care. He was so tired.

“You gave me a fucking heart attack, kid! What do you think you’re doing swallowing all those pills?! I know for one that flesh bags don’t swallow a bunch of them all at once!” Bill hissed and shook Dipper.

Dipper’s eyes brimmed with tears, and he sunk into the neck of the blue turtle neck he sported. It was worn with age, but his sister made it for him to always have, so she made it big. He used to get away with just his boxers, but he grew enough height that he now needed shorts, but it never stopped being big on him. Dipper listened to Bill yell about how inconsiderate Dipper was being, and Dipper mumbled in a broken voice ‘M’ sorry’ before Bill wrapped his arms around Dipper’s small frame, face being pushed into a black button up and yellow vest.

“I’m just glad you’re alright!” 

Dipper stiffened.

Why would Bill be happy that he’s alive?

His thought was gone when he felt a hand running fingers through his hair. Dipper’s eyes half lidded with the comforting sensation, and he leaned into Bill. He listened to Bill coo words of comfort into his ear, and he couldn’t help but lazily cry as the demon held him the rest of the night.


	2. If You Love Me Right, We fuck For Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's cute  
> it's fluffy  
> it's BillDip.
> 
> Title of chapter are lyrics pulled from Talking Bodies by Tove Lo

_“I love you.”_

Bill looked down at Dipper, blonde hair falling into his face, cheeks dusted red. He and Dipper had been together for a while. It had all been a roller coaster of emotions, and with his Great Uncle Ford just coming to terms with the fact that Bill could love, this was a special moment, and those three words meant everything to the demon. Bill smiled, sharp teeth glinting lightly in the setting sun shining through the window, and he cupped Dipper’s cheeks in his hands. He pressed his lips against the short male’s kissing him sweetly and full of passion.

Bill smiled into the kiss, soon parting and nuzzling his cheek against Dipper’s. “Oh Pine Tree~” He cooed.

Dipper’s face flushed a bright red, but he chuckled and smiled back. “Bill, what are you doing?” He asked.

“Ravishing you.” The demon stated, peppering Dipper’s face in kisses, listening to the boy beneath him giggle. He began to do the same to his neck, and Dipper began pushing lightly at Bill’s shoulders.

“Hehe Bill stop! T-That tickles!” Dipper giggled, and Bill took the opportunity to blow raspberries into Dipper’s neck. Dipper squealed, laughing and trying to shove the demon away, but failing and being tickled more. “Hahahahaha! B-Bill no!” He gasped out.

Bill eventually pulled away, lying next to Dipper and pulling him into his arms, snuggling Dipper. Dipper looked up at the demon, and kissed him lightly, soon pulling away and looking into his golden eyes as he caught his breath. “I love you, Bill.” He said.

Bill smiled at him and nuzzled him more. 

_“I love you more, Pine Tree.” ___


	3. You're So Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's more fluff, it's okay.
> 
> Chapter title I got from I Love You By Avril Lavigne

Dipper looked at himself in the mirror, eyes scanning up and down at his entire figure. He sighed, shoulders hunching as he poked at the fat on his belly. Dipper didn’t like passing anything with a reflection, for fear of self-hatred passing over him like a cloud of burning oil. Right now it seemed he was stuck deep into the oil, because he felt heavy and bigger than he actually was.

“God I’m probably the most unattractive person on the face of the earth…” Dipper mumbled to himself, frown deeply carved onto his face.

Dipper sighed heavily, picking up his jeans, trying to avoid the size they were, and silently wishing his sister didn’t put the mirror into his room. He didn’t have the heart to tell her it upset him since she seemed so happy about putting it in. She thought it would give him something to look at when deciding if things looked nice or not. He could admit that it has, but right now, he just hated it. No, he despised it, and if he didn’t hate on himself so hard right now, he could tell his sister to get rid of it.

Dipper sighed yet again, pulling his shirt on and sitting right back down on his bed, head in his hands. He hated himself, he wasn’t attractive, and he never would be. That’s all there was to it, and Dipper felt that nothing could fix how he felt. 

Dipper hated himself so much, that he didn’t even notice everything around him turned grey. He didn’t notice the glowing figure of the demon Bill Cipher floating over him, until Bill tapped Dipper with his cane. 

Dipper gasped, sitting up rather quickly, but relaxing when he saw it was Bill. “Oh, Bill, it’s just you.”

Bill made a scoffing noise, fixing his hat, and poofing into human, feet making a soft clack as he landed. “Just me, come on Pine Tree! At least sound a little excited!” The demon exclaimed, pout slithering on to his handsome face.

Dipper sighed, elbows going back onto his knees, and chin in his hands. “Hi Bill…” He said and felt defeated once again.

Bill furrowed his brows. He knew exactly what was wrong with the boy, and it tugged at his nonexistent heart strings like people tug at shoelaces. 

Bill didn’t hesitate to sit down next to Dipper, and run his gloved fingers through the boy’s hair. “Bill, wha-“

“You’re perfect just the way you are, Pine Tree.”

Dipper knitted his brows, but didn’t push the demon away. He didn’t stop Bill from lifting his bangs up and kissing his birthmark. 

“Bill…” Dipper started, pursing his lips, brows knitted. He really didn’t agree with the demon.

Bill wasn’t having any of it though, because he pulled Dipper into his arms, petting his head, and giving his face small light kisses. “Dipper, I love your smile, your eyes, your birthmark, everything. Just because you have some pudge, doesn’t mean your fat.” 

Bill looked Dipper in the eyes, watching as Dipper’s brown eyes glistened with tears. “Bill, I…”

Bill watched Dipper’s bottom lip quiver, and the boy shake. It hurt his nonexistent heart to see the boy cry. Bill held Dipper closer, one arm around his waist, other hand cradling Dipper’s head. “You’re the most beautiful, Pine Tree, and I love snuggling you, and kissing you more than I love making deals.” He said, and kissed Dipper’s tears away.

Dipper sniffled, burying his face into Bill’s yellow vest, and cried a little. Bill comforting made his heart swell with love.

_Dipper felt beautiful for the first time in a long while._


	4. Can You Help The Hopless? Well, I'm Begging On My Knees. Can you Save My Bastard Soul? Will You Ache For Me?...So Sorry Lover...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams can be ruined by the act of one small thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything is OOC, nothing makes sense, my feels, two ways this could have gone down. Pretty interesting evening. Keep scrolling down when you get to the end, and I ask for hugs.
> 
> Title is lyrics from the song 'Can you Feel My Heart' by Bring Me the Horizon.
> 
> I don't own the characters but I do own my feels to this chapter.

Dipper stumbled out of the bar, head full of careless thoughts, broken promises, dead dreams and desires. His dreams were long gone, and he knew that no matter how hard he tried, he was never going to be able to get back everything he had before.

His dream was gone. It was taken from him in quick bright screeching movements, and he knew he could have done something to have prevented it, but it was too late now.

Dipper stumbled on the sidewalk, tripping a bit, and using the wall to get himself back up. He looked up at the sky; the moon was hidden by rain clouds. He was too drunk to think sensibly and get back home before it began to rain. Dipper gave a small whine, looking down at his ripped converse. He thought drinking himself almost to death would help him forget, but it has begun to do the opposite. It helped for a while, but now it forced the thoughts to weigh on him.

Dipper could feel tears forming in his eyes, and soon his vision became clouded with tears, and began to drip from his eyelashes and onto the cement ground. A man clouded his thoughts. He remembered soft blonde hair, bright hazel eyes shining brightly down at him, a voice so smooth that he could forever fall asleep to. A beautiful man, full of dreams that he slowly fulfilled, and altered once he finally proposed to Dipper. He wanted Dipper with him in these dreams, and Dipper didn’t hesitate to say yes. He had hugged the man so hard that day, and he wanted to hug him now.

Dipper let out a small sob, free hand covering his eyes as more tears fell. He missed the feeling of soft blonde hair running through his fingers. He missed how beautiful those eyes were when they saw him, and how happy he sounded when Dipper talked to him. His life, his dreams, and his future were in that man.

Dipper slid down the cold wall, his hand that was on the wall wrapped around his legs, and he hid his tear stained face into his knees and arm, while his other arm covered his head, like it was a shield to protect him from the cold depths of reality. He sobbed and sniffled more, not bothering to get up and leave when the rain began to fall heavily. He held himself tighter, sniffling, and sobbing out his regrets, his promises that were supposed to be given, and all his love that he had reserved for that man leaking out with every tear that he shed.

Dipper wanted to die. He felt so incomplete…

Dipper looked up at the sky, more tears pouring down his face, and vanishing with the rain. Dipper let out more hard sobs, eyes shutting, brows knitted together, and his teeth were gritted harshly. “Cooommme baaaack!!” He yelled at the sky, letting out harsher sobs, and hand on his head gripping his hair roughly. His breathing began to hitch, and he began to cough a bit. “B-Biiiiilllll!!” He cried more, hiding his face in his knees once again.

He knew he should have tried to sneak that gun earlier. He knew his sister was hurting seeing him this way, but there was nothing she could do. His whole family felt bad, but they couldn’t fix that Bill was dead.

Dipper reached his hand into his pocket, gripping the handle of a cold metal gun. He pulled it out, looking at it, watching how inviting it looked. He pulled back the hammer on the gun, rotating the cylinder, holding it to his head. He had made sure to fill all parts of the cylinder with bullets but one, and he was ready. He was ready to end everything, and he was ready to be with Bill again. He didn’t think about the consequences or how others may feel, he just wanted to stop hurting.

“I’m sorry.” He said to no one in particular.

Dipper was about to pull the trigger, when his phone rang rather loudly. He set the gun down, reaching into his pocket and pulling his phone out.

It was his sister.

Dipper clenched his teeth, throwing his phone hard on to the ground. Fuck his sister. Fuck what she had to say! She was never there for him!

Dipper panted lightly, pulling the gun back up to his head. He gave another small sob, finger going to the trigger.

_An old lady reported a very loud gunshot to the police that she heard near her house that night._

-

-

-

-

-

\------Alternate Ending-------

“I’m sorry.” He said to no one in particular.

Dipper was about to pull the trigger, when his phone rang rather loudly. He set the gun down, reaching into his pocket and pulling his phone out.

Dipper sighed, deciding to answer it. It would be the last time after all.

He gave a small sigh, hitting the green button, and holding it to his ear. “Hello?” He said in a rather slurry rough voice.

Mabel made a very disappointed noise over the phone “Are you drinking again?” She didn’t sound as angry as he thought. She sounded sadder, and it made him sad.

“What do you want Mabel?” He hissed out. He couldn’t find it in himself to care right now. She was interrupting a very important thing. 

“…Will found something earlier in Bill’s things…” She said, and Dipper stiffened, but kept quiet. Mabel took this as a sign to continue. “It was a recording made by Bill on his phone, and it was labeled to be given to you in a few months…” She finished.

Dipper’s breath hitched a bit. “Wh-What?” 

“I’ll send it to you.” She said, and hung up. 

Dipper was contemplating just ending it there, but he got the message before he could lift the gun. His curiosity still got the best of him. 

Dipper opened the message, watching the way it showed him and Bill’s room, before Bill popped onto the screen. Dipper gave a small gasp, eyes welling up with more tears.

_‘I find videos rather dumb, but if I didn’t say anything now, I would be the dumb one…’_

Bill was in his sweatpants, and a large sweater that Mabel showed Dipper how to make, with little pine trees and triangles all over it. Bill had thought it was the cutest thing ever, and always wore it whenever he had the chance.

Bill pinched the bridge of his nose, and sniffled a bit. Dipper has only ever seen him cry a couple of times before, and when he did it hurt Dipper so much, and even now it did. _‘Dipper…’_ Bill trailed off, taking a deep breath, and letting it out slowly, looking at his phone camera once again. He seemed to have composed himself, but it may not last. 

_‘I really couldn’t tell you then about any of this, because I didn’t want you to treat me any differently. I didn’t want anything to change, and I wanted to keep doing our usual things. Even the playful tussling we tend to do…I didn’t want you to think a bit of wrestling and tickling would weaken me, because it won’t._

Dipper could see Bill’s strong façade beginning to slip, and Dipper could feel himself falling with Bill.

_‘I promise the only reason I didn’t tell you was just for me to die with the last thing that made me happy.’_

Dipper couldn’t stop his heart rate, it was going too fast.

_‘I…The reason I just randomly died one day, was because I have cancer, Dipper. When everything runs its course, you’ll know, and you may hate me for it, but I just didn’t want you to treat me like I was weak and change everything that we always do together!’_

Dipper’s heart hurt. He couldn’t look at the video anymore. It made everything worse.

_‘…Don’t let me not being there change your future, Dipper…’_

Dipper looked at the video again, noticing the rain had stopped.

_‘If I have any wishes in life, they’d have to be for you to just live on, and be happy. Crying over me won’t get you anywhere. I want you to sit back, and keep writing that book you want published, Pine Tree. And I promise that I will marry you before I have to go. It’s probably an impossible promise, but I’m not going to just give up just because something is limiting me to a shorter life.’_

Dipper watched Bill sigh, hand running over his face. Bill almost got his promise through. Dipper remembered when they were heading back from the wedding planner. He hadn’t really found it odd that they were marrying so soon after being engaged, but he didn’t think it had mattered since they’d been together for so long.

_‘You’re watching this in the future, probably not long after my death, depending on how long it takes for any of you to actually look through my phone. Knowing you Pine Tree, it won’t take long…’_

Dipper watched Bill give a smile, and Dipper couldn’t help smiling back.

_‘You told me to save all of our photos on the computer, which I did, but the point is I kept a lot of them so that you could have them, and look at them whenever you want at any time instead of having to go to a computer. You’ll thank me later, because seriously, turning on a computer just to see this handsome face take forever, and you know it.’_

Dipper gave a small chuckle, sniffling again.

_‘I love you, Dipper Pines, and I want you to promise me that you’ll never stop living just because I’m gone. I’m always going to be yours, no matter what. So go love someone new, go be that famous author you always wanted to be, and go live your life. You’re always going to be in my heart, Pine Tree.’_

Dipper couldn’t stop himself from crying again, but out of relief, happiness, and finally feeling content after so long.

_‘I hope you go raise hell. You will always be Dipper Cipher to me. Good bye for now, Pine Tree. And remember, this won’t be the last time you see me.’_

Dipper watched the video freeze. He had discovered that it was over, and he felt a sense of longing to watch it again.

Dipper sniffled again, wiping his face with the wet sleeve of his jacket. He then grabbed the gun, flicking the safety on once again, and he stood up, wiping his phone dry as best as he could. He hoped it wouldn’t ruin, but since it was still working, he had hope that it would live. He would have to remember to turn it off for a while though to air out possibly. He looked at his phone once again, bringing up his sister’s name, and hitting the call button as he walked down the side walk, making his way toward his sister’s home.

“Oh Dipper?! Are you alright?” She asked in a rather panicked voice. 

He gave a small chuckle. “M’ fine, just wet. Would you lend me a seater and a warm shower if I asked?”

She seemed relieved that it wasn’t a doctor on the other side or yet another protesting Dipper. She sounded happier than she had in a while. “Of course bro-bro. Want some food along with that?”

“Popcorn and movies, and we have a deal.” Dipper responded

_“Perfect deal to me, Dip-Dop!”_


	5. I'm Scared To Get Close And I Hate Being Alone. I Long For That Feeling To Not Feel At all. The Higher I Get, The Lower I'll Sink. I Can't Drown My Demons They Know How To Swim...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill gasped for air, hands gripping his throat, fingernails clawing desperately at the skin in an attempt to get rid of whatever was taking his air away. He eventually tore his hands away, deep gasping breaths sliding in and out, but never being enough. 
> 
> He had come in his house, heart racing a bit, and he had panicked, calling his brother and telling him to hurry over. He left it at that as he dropped his phone, not caring where it landed. He heard the crack of thunder, loud and banging in his ears, and- if doctors knew it was _this_ bad he wondered what they would have done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those who read my story Candy Pop!  
> I promise that the chapter will be up soon, I've just been so busy lately, and I didn't mean for the story update to take this long. I will try to have it up before Monday.
> 
> Other than that, enjoy this...chapter I made really late at night. I was extremely sleepy as I wrote it, had to force my eyes open, and it became this. I'm surprised how well it turned out actually. There were a bunch of misspelled words and random letters here and there but I still managed to flippen write it xD I'm proud of myself lol.
> 
> Title is once again lyrics taken from 'Can You Feel My Heart?' By Bring Me The Horizon

What had he done wrong? 

His love was gone. He disappeared from his life, and there was no getting him back. 

How long has it been now? Two months? A year? 

The doctor said he had PTSD from the accident, which to him was stupid. Bill Cipher doesn't get PTSD and break down like some weakling that can't survive on his own. 

Bill Cipher doesn't _miss_ things. He doesn't care about anything but himself.

He loved his brother and that was all he needed. 

But he loved him...he cared about him...

Bill Cipher had PTSD because of _him..._

Bill gasped for air, hands gripping his throat, fingernails clawing desperately at the skin in an attempt to get rid of whatever was taking his air away. He eventually tore his hands away, deep gasping breaths sliding in and out, but never being enough. 

He had come in his house, heart racing a bit, and he had panicked, calling his brother and telling him to hurry over. He left it at that as he dropped his phone, not caring where it landed. He heard the crack of thunder, loud and banging in his ears, and- if doctors knew it was _this_ bad he wondered what they would have done. 

As Bill managed to trudge to his room, his breath continued going in and out of his lungs. Suddenly his bow tie and white button up felt to tight. 

He pulled at the black bow tie, tugging hard, and not caring if it ripped in half. The only thing he heard right now was his heavy breaths, but the thunder easily assaulted his ears causing him to shake as he tore his button up off, and desperately shucked his slacks off, leaving him standing in his boxers. He needed all tight clothing to be gone, but that seemed to be all that he owned. Bill shook, remembering what his doctor had said, remembering how his brother, Will, had told him to breath.

 

_In one..two..three, out four..five..six.._

 

He repeated this, taking just enough breaths to clear his mind as he looked through the closet for something that was loose. He stumbled across a rather large blue sweater with a white pine tree in the middle, and his shaky hands grabbed it, sluggishly pulling it on and inhaling the sweet scent from it. A scent that had faded from his memory so long ago. 

Bill's legs shook as another loud boom of thunder had him falling to his knees shaking, and caused his breathing speed up. His tan hands slid into his golden locks, gripping and pulling, and- _god, when had it gotten so hard to breath again?_

_In one..two..three, out four..five..six.._

The booms seemed to get louder, and he remembers a gun in a shaking pale hand. 

His breathing speeds up more, and he swears his heart is going to pop out of his chest. 

_In one, two, three, out four, five, six!_

He remembers an apology as the trigger was pulled. He remembers his love's blood covering his shirt. He remembers begging to gods that he didn't believe in to bring him back.  
More loud yells of thunder. 

_IN ONETWOTHREE OUT FOURFIVESIX!!_

Bill's head was light, his chest was hurting, his heart drummed loudly in his ears, and he felt the faintest of tears sliding down his face as he gripped his hair, and tugged his hair harder. 

He hunched over himself, pushing his face into his thighs, trying so hard to choke out words, but by this point he didn't even know if he was even talking. 

It felt like forever before he felt a pair of arms around go around him, pushing his matted sweaty bangs away from his forehead. He managed to catch the words of "Slow, deep breaths, Bill. Count with me. In, one...two...three, out four...five...six... Again."

The voice had repeated this several times, and Bill latched onto it, doing as it said. 

When Bill had calmed down, he felt _drained_. He realized just how hard that he had been crying, but he didn't need to be told about _why_ he was crying. 

Bill felt cool fingers run through his sweaty tangled blonde hair. He looked up at who was attached to the hand, and realized that it was his brother, Will. 

Will gave him a weak smile, as if trying to reassure him that everything was fine. 

More choked sobs escaped him, and he now could hear just how hard he'd been crying. 

Three months ago his boyfriend, Dipper Pines had shot himself in the head in their shared room. His suicide note had talked about how sorry he was, but depression seemed to have won. Bill was eaten at with the fact he hadn't been able to help him or anything. He remembered the loud bang, and blood. The doctors had said he may have PTSD from loud sudden noises, but nothing prepared him for some thunder storm. 

He seemed to cry harder and harder. And with each harsh son, his heart broke into pieces just a bit more.


	6. I'm Sorry, But I Still Love You...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentines Day is full of many emotions.

I stare down at the small heart shaped paper in front of me. A smile is tattooed on my face as I write out the sweetest poem I've ever made. I wanted to give it to the one person that I cared about the most, Bill. Sweet, sweet Bill Cipher. His beautiful, silky, blonde hair, and those electrifying sharp blue eyes. Those eyes are what first drew me to his beautifully sculpted face all those months ago. Ever since then, he's been so beautiful to me, and his personality is so much more different than any person I know, and I adore it to the core. I adore him with all my heart. 

I held up the paper, smile growing, and a blush on my face as I read over the words of the some what poem in my hand. 

**_'Your hair flows like like a breeze on a windy day._ **

**_You're eyes electrify me, making my heart race when I stare._ **

**_The stars that dance across your skin are my outer space._ **

**_Your skin is like coffee, so smooth and sweet._ **

**_As silly as this all sounds,_ **

**_Would you be my Valentine?'_ **

I had been writing this for hours before hand, and this was as good as I had been able to get. It wasn't amazing, but it was from me, that's what really counted in the end, right?

I smile softly at it, ready to burst out of my seat, and slip it into Bill's locker. He had a club after school, and he always preferred to get his bag after the club, so it was guaranteed that he would see it. 

The bell rang loudly in my ears, and I quickly leap from my seat, heading to my locker. Once I get my bag, I wait for everyone to clear out, before grabbing the heart that I had folded and taped closed at last minute, writing "For Bill" in my best cursive that I could do. 

I snuck my way to Bill's locker, looking around to make sure that no one saw. Once there, I held the poem up in front of me one last time, before a thought struck. 

_'Would it be weird to give your ex a valentine?'_

I mean, we were still really close friends, and we always talked and hung out still, but...

I really thought about it in that moment. We were broke up, there was no reason to write a poem for him. Just because jealousy got me when someone gave him a box of chocolates, doesn't mean I need to make our friendship awkward. 

It was one thing giving him something and being platonic, but this poem was a whole other ordeal...

I look longingly at the poem once again, a frown on my face, and my eyes half lidded. I was so caught up in this, I forgot that it didn't need to be so extravagant. I was so caught up in still wanting to be his, and making this poem so amazing, that I forgot that I wasn't his anymore.

I'm not _his_ anymore. I'm not his boyfriend. I'm just a close friend. 

My frown grew more on my face, and I could feel tears stinging my eyes as my vision clouded. 

We broke up last month, Bill's not mine, and I'm not his. 

There's so many people that have crushes on him, and he could end up with one of them. 

My heart clenches, and the tears spill over as I hold in a sob. I'm so caught up in wanting there to be a chance for the two of us, that I didn't realize that we could never be like that again. He would be with some one at some point, but it wasn't going to be me. He'll be dating again at some point, but I won't be that person that he ends up with.

I won't be holding his hand, snuggling him, or kissing him anymore, it'll be some one else. It will always be someone else. 

I'll watch him kiss someone else, hug someone else, get married to someone else...

Seven months was bliss, but that bliss was gone. He'd have that bliss with someone that wasn't me...

Tears roll down my cheeks, but I hold back my sobs, and just stand there silently, lips pursed. This wasn't worth it. I shouldn't do this to myself...

I tear up the poem, and throw the pieces away. I pull out a piece of paper and a pen, and write a note instead. 

**_'Happy Valentine's Day nerd! Don't get too fat on chocolate ;P'_ **

I fold the paper, and slide it into his locker. I shove my headphones into my ears, turning up the music loud and put my hands in my hoodie pocket as I walk out of the school, trying to stop crying. 

Everyday hurt, but why did Valentine's Day have to stab me so hard?


	7. McDonalds Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper goes to McDonalds at 3 a.m. And has a rather interesting experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I literally wrote this at three a.m. And I was so tired that this came out. I read it now and am surprised it even made sense.

When you met him, it was three a.m at an open 24 hour McDonalds. You were clad in your baggy black sweats that had pockets that you couldn't help but say were a blessing, a black sweater, and a blue hoodie. Your hair was a wavy, slightly oily mess that was hidden underneath a black beanie, your eyes had bags under them, and you could see oils that had gotten into your glasses. 

When you met him, you had reached up to take your glasses off, and had cleaned them with the sleeve of your hoodie. You had just slipped your glasses back on, sniffling from the slight cold that you had, and stepped up to order. 

You met him just as you ordered two large fries, two double cheeseburgers, one McChicken, and a parfait. You had paid, and turned around and there he was, walking into this random McDonalds in the fanciest get up that you had ever seen at three am in a McDonalds along the highway. He sported a black button up with a black bow tie with gold outlining the entire thing like it was some drawing,a golden jacket, lined with what looked to be blue jewels along the cuffs, black slacks, and black dress shoes with gold lining around the shoe. His hair was wavy, blonde, and shaved on one side. He had sharp, dashing blue eyes, and dark skin. 

Your first thought was that he robbed somebody. Your second was he was a mob boss. Your third thought was he was some fashion designer, but by this point you would have slapped yourself if it weren't for how tired, yet awake you were. The last thought comes to you as he smiles at you, catching your eye. The thought that maybe he's just really well off sinks in after a few moments of staring at him like a complete dumbass. 

You give him a sleepy smile, gesturing a small wave, giggling a bit dumbly at the entire situation as he waves back at you. You giggle a bit more as you wave your fingers at him as you walk away, grabbing your food from the counter that you should have gotten earlier. 

You make your way to one of the booths, relishing in the fact that it's stiff, yet comfier than the chairs they have. 

You waste no time in picking up one of your large fries, and dumping it on the tray they gave you. You immediately realize that you have no ketchup, and your drink isn't made. You grunt at the situation, getting up and walking toward the ketchup dispenser. You make note of the fancy man ordering, and his voice is a bit higher than you were expecting, yet smooth. You nod to yourself as you grab six small paper cups, and squirt ketchup into them, before carrying them back to your table, and grabbing your cup, walking right back to the area and filling it up. 

The fancy man from before winks at you, and you once again giggle at him, waving your fingers at him once more and winking back. 

If you were more awake you wouldn't do this. 

But you've been up all night since last week, you're running on four hours of sleep, your cold,sick, and fattening food sounded so amazing after you laid in bed for three hours trying to sleep. 

When your drink is finished, you walk back to your table, plopping back down, and grabbing fries, dipping them two at a time into the ketchup, before shoving them into your mouth tiredly. 

You're halfway through the first set of fries when someone plops down across from you. You look up to see the fancy man. 

If you were awake, you would have probably been embarrassed about the fact that not only do you look like a mess, but your cheeks were full of fries, and you had ketchup and salt around your mouth and on your fingers. You knew you looked horrid, but were to tired to give any fucks. 

"Hey there!" The man says to you happily, and you swallow your food, sipping at your drink before telling him 'hey' rather sleepily. You also notice that he only has a small drink. 

You snuggle down into your hoodie more, grabbing more fries, dipping them in ketchup before shoving them into your mouth. The man chuckles at you, and you can't stop yourself from smiling and giggling back at this man. 

"What's so funny?" You ask, sleepiness thick in your voice, but not stopping you from unwrapping a double cheeseburger, and biting into it. 

"You are, kid! Not many dwell here and do what you do." The blonde man exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Oh really now?" You manage to ask in between bites. You took another long drink, swallowing down food. "And how's that?" You ask and you finish one double cheese burger, going right to the next one. 

"You bet your hungry stomach I am! Looks normally say a lot kid, but I'd have to say your stomach says it for you." The blonde said, smiling big and wide as he looked at you. 

You give a pout as you chew on the other burger, grunting at the man. Okay, so you had a small pudge because of extra food, but technically speaking that just meant you were healthy. And you loved to go exercising on a regular basis to. You used to be fat back when you were 16, but then you really got to working out, and got to what you'd call chubby, then to what you call a pudge. Your sister thought for sure that you would have some self hate toward the situation, and you have to admit that you did at one point. But then you saw past it and went at it for your own benefit. You even still had a large appetite and never hesitated to indulge in it. You were happy. 

"So? Are you here to judge me? Because I personally don't give a fuck about what rude things you have to say." You said. And to prove your point, you took a large bite from your other double cheeseburger, finishing it off and moving to the other large fries you have. 

The man laughs at you again, and you're so tired that you can't stop yourself from laughing with him a bit. "No, no kid, you got it all wrong. This large appetite drew me over here. Your appearance did catch my eye though, I will admit. You look quite dashing I must say." 

You laugh at this, drawing the attention of the few people that are up at three a.m. like you, and are indulging in fattening foods. The man gives a small confused look. You pull your beanie off of your oily mess of wavy brown hair, and ruffle it, before sticking the beanie on once more. "Me, _dashing!_ " You say with a laugh, and suck more terribly made sofa from your cup. You proceed to dip fries three at a time into your ketchup, and shove them into your mouth. 

You have no manners at a time like this and with little sleep. 

"It's not all about the looks, isn't that what some humans look at right?" The blonde said, causing you to stop in your food frenzy. 

You scrunch your nose, thinking for a moment, before the question finally registers. "Well...yeah!" You say, and continue. 

"Then I personally don't care that you are a mess. Then again, it's..." The man trails off, looking at his thin golden watch that looked horrendously expensive. "Three thirty in the morning, so it makes sense. What do you do when it's not so early?" He questions and you give him a blank look for a moment. 

"Well, I kinda just, y'know, shower and try to be decent. Other than that I personally don't give a rats ass what any body thinks anymore." You answer, eating slowly this time. 

"So you'd be willing to go to the president looking like this?" He questions, and you scoff, giving a nod. 

"Yeah, it's just the president. Looks won't matter as long as my brain makes up for it." You say. 

The man laces his fingers together, resting his elbows on the table and resting his chin atop his hands. "Interesting." He says, looking at you. 

If you weren't so tired you may have said something, but all fucks were gone as you moved on to your McChicken. "So, what do you think about me now?" You ask a bit curiously as you chew. 

"I love your confidence, and ability to not care what others have to say. I also love your appetite, and would be honored if you came to have dinner at my home." The man says, and you stop once again, and stare at the man. 

"What kinda food?" You ask, and he chuckles softly.

"Anything you want." 

Now that just sounded down right... _amazing._

"Depends, can you cook good?" You question, and he give a quick nod. 

"Yes, I am told that I am one of the best." He says and you contemplate the idea. 

Thought not for long, because now you're smiling and clapping his shoulder. "Sounds like a plan dude! Count me in, though not tonight." You say, and practically stuff the entire sandwich in your mouth. 

"Understandable." The man says smoothly. 

You don't think about the fact that this man could have just invited you over to kill you. You don't think about how this could be some trick or anything for that matter. You just honestly want the free food. 

You have just poured nuts into your parfait as you see a gloved black hand in your vision. You look up and see that it's the man's. He gives you a smile as you take his hand, shaking it. "I'm Bill." He says. 

You give a rather dorky snort. "Dipper." You say, giving a yawn as you began to eat the parfait. The man gives a slow nod as you finish up.

"How does Friday, two o clock p.m. sound?" He asks you and you nod. 

"Perfect." You say. 

When you finished eating, Bill bid you a good bye, giving  
You his number before he did. You happily tell him bye, get into your car, and leave. 

It's only ten minuets later that you realize that you agreed to go on a date. You can't say that you really regret this as you fall asleep.


End file.
